I have an ADHD diagnosis, what now?

A diagnosis can often bring a sense of relief or clarity, there is a good reason why, it can dissolve some feelings of shame or sense there is ‘something wrong with me’. It can also bring people together connecting in shared experience, validating each other and finding comfort that others go through very similar things ‘it’s not just me’.

Having specific terms, phrases to label things we go through can be very helpful to bring another level of awareness to what we’re going through. When understanding overwhelm in terms in sensory/ cognitive overload for example can be illuminating in knowing why rather than being stuck in frustrated, confusing loop ‘what’s wrong with me’ or ‘why do I get so stressed/ tired’.

Being able to communicate or share resources to help others understand can bring about support/ adjustments workplace, relationships and for managing ourselves as well. So there are a range of positive effects of having an official diagnosis, along with use of psycho-education, but there are also some other challenges too.

Some people feel all those aspects are helpful, but also grapple with a number of other difficulties. Firstly, frustration that they didn’t know sooner (if diagnosed as an adult/ later in life), grief of ‘what could have been’ and compassion grief for the suffering of a younger self feeling confused and turning blame inwards. There can also be a stuck feeling – ‘OK well that explains it’ so what now? Often I hear people asking me ‘how can I fix it?’ wanting to solve or ‘get rid’ of it so it’s no longer a bother- this frustration and impatience can be a form of self rejection, not wanting to be like that or have those challenges, perhaps a hangover from years of being frustrated for not doing more, being better, experiencing more success – and feeling frankly, understandably fed up.

There’s also a confusing place of feeling validated that it is a ‘real’ condition, but with that brings concern ‘ if that’s the way my brain is – am I stuck like this forever?’. There are no hard and fast answers to this, but I believe there is a lot that can be done to improve both quality of life and the attitude towards ADHD and relationship you have towards yourself.

Often therapy addresses a number of these processes on an individual basis; processing a diagnosis, emotional impact of this new knowledge – psycho education which can help understand the brain and the experiences, identifying personal drivers, internalized meaning and values, inner critic, expressing grief of past difficulties. Another common question people ask is: how do I know what about me is down to ADHD and what is me? That’s not an easy question and this can potentially cause a bit of an identity crisis – which is why it’s helpful to hold lightly the ‘symptomatic’ view of ADHD. However this can be delineated to some extent - there are some primary symptoms ‘jumping thoughts’ or ‘emotion dysregulation’ and there are secondary symptoms such as low self esteem or self criticism, or exhaustion from trying to manage difficulties. Beyond ‘symptoms’ of a disorder however, there is an actual person. Sir William Osler said:

"Ask not what disease the person has, but rather what person the disease has."

In other words, we must be curious about people, what they live for and what strengths they rely on, what they love and value ( and don’t), what characteristics and unique attributes they possess and what drives or inhibits each individual. There are as many different kinds of people with ADHD as there are kinds of people, and without acknowledging how this affects you and your personal narrative – we may as well just read out the DSMV description and leave it there.

An ADHD diagnosis can become a limiting label or an enlightening experience that enables positive growth depending on our attitudes. There are many positive attributes of the way an ADHD mind is thought to work along with many positive qualities of a person which may be down to a cognitive style or may be just part of who you are. These are so relevant in considering ways to make progress. We can have a troubleshooting mindset or an idealistic mindset; while we don’t live in a perfect world, I would hope people are able to use this new information about themselves to create far more rewarding, authentic and meaningful lives that bring joy, rather than just ‘cope’.

If some of this resonates with you or you feel you would benefit from this approach to ADHD in therapy, feel free to get in touch to discuss further.